To Hearty Dinners and Real Conversations

Garret was eating his lunch when Morgan smoothly bumped into him intentionally as shown by the smirk on his face. I scolded him and in turn told Garret, "Kuya sumbaga gud na imung manghud." (Garret, will you please punch your brother?)"

Oops my bad. But not really.

I recently visited my hometown and was meeting up with my cousins at a certain place where the it never sleeps at all. Call centers, resto-bars, food joints, coffee shops, pastry shops abound and in them were families having a Saturday night out for dinner and whatnot. This is common sight, I can imagine, families eating out, having dinner together. I see siblings sit peacefully, silently side by side. Wait, did I just say peacefully? And silently? Well how can they not be peaceful and silent with each other when all of them had thumbs and eyes glued to i Pads, tablets and smartphones? They glance up occasionally and speak up rarely, only when they order food or when the parent asks something that they feel they are compelled to answer. Seeing all this, it was all I could do to control myself from walking over to their table and telling them to pack away their gadgets and could they please fight with each other.

Of course the truth of the matter is I don't want them to fight fight. I wanted them to fight as in talk. To each other. Like human beings. Not act like android or apple robots. To talk about their favorite color or song, sing together One direction or Selena Gomez or whoever or whatever song is on the top 40's on the radio. Wait, do kids these days even listen to radios now? Much less know what a radio is? The answer to that question scares me. Anyhow, I want them to talk about their day in school, girls, boys, complain about subjects or teachers. I want them to talk about their aspirations or what made them happy, sad, excited or whatever for as long as they look each other in the eye and talk and laugh until they annoy each other and until one gets punched or pinched in the arm or arguments ensued. That's what I want. Clearly it wasn't what they wanted.

Language has always been a topic of intense interest for me considering how much my boys struggle to express themselves everyday. So whenever I see normal, regular, neurotypical (enough adjectives?) kids not talking to each other, not having a conversation when in fact they can, is almost of an abomination to my sensibilities. Still, at the risk of sounding too self-righteous, I have asked myself many times if my boys didn't have autism, would I also tolerate my kids acting like darn android robots? Would I be taking for granted their ability to socially adjust and verbally interact? Of course answers are vague and speculations at best. But that is where my fear lies. That maybe, I may just be the kind of parent I wouldn't want to be. So I actually thank heaven my boys have autism because I am given the chance to truly appreciate what it means to speak and have a conversation.

So no, not really "my bad" when I say to my son "Punch your brother", because it means if he does punch his brother, he responds to teasing, he is emotionally responding to his brother. So I wonder, are these normal kids emotionally responding to each other at all anymore? Do they know how to articulate their thoughts, ideas and emotions? I certainly hope these technological gadgets serve to augment their communication skills and their relationship skills rather than impair them. And the possible response to this statement also scares me quite a bit.

One of my favorite memories growing up was when we would go out to dinner Sunday evenings at Sunburst Fried Chicken Restaurant. For the authentic Cebu childhood growing up experience of the best tasting chicken(no offense, Jollibee) Sunburst definitely hits the mark. The thing about those dinners that made it memorable was how we were made to wait 20-30 minutes before it was served. Half an hour. And we had no cellphones or tablets then. What we did have was an overflow of ideas spilling out of our heads as we patiently waited, fiddling with the ketchup, hot sauce and Worcestershire sauce pouring them on the sauce plates, mixing them using toothpicks. My brother and I talked. My aunt and I talked. My mom and papa talked. We talked to each other. We told each other stories of our day, of the coming days, of days gone by, past, present and future happenings. And yes, sometimes I would annoy my brother so much that we would fight. But it was well worth it. Because it was through those fights that we came to know each others strengths and vulnerabilities, our belief systems and what we hold dear to our hearts, because authentic sibling relationships included fights, emotional responses and anything that involved expressing oneself to others even if it meant numerous shouting matches and punches.

Finally, when the conversation lulled, the food came steaming hot, just in time. Hearty dinner followed. Or rather continued. Because the conversation before the actual meal served as the best appetizer ever. And those hearty dinners, I believe were authentic family experiences, as human as they can get.

So, when the day comes when my boys are able to initiate and maintain a conversation with me and their father, all my senses will be attuned to them , with what they have to say, prodding their language out and encouraging them to talk and talk and talk until they get tired.It would probably be the second best day of my life. The first being the day they were born. When that day comes, I'll make sure to bring them to Sunburst Fried Chicken for the authentic Cebuano sumptuous chicken experience with the 30 minutes waiting period. We will have numerous hearty dinners, real conversations, fighting and all.