Some days are good and wonderful and some not so great. And then there are days where you meet people who let you see the world in a different light, allow you to reach deep within your soul and illuminate even the darkest corners of your mind. I am so blessed to have come across a fellow autism parent from another continent, a father who is undoubtedly and utterly devoted to his son. I have him to thank for the insights I gained for the past two weeks.
My boys, Garret and Morgan, are sent to save me from myself.
Mark Twain once said, "The two most important days in your life are: the day you are born and the day you find out why." In the most wondrous of days where miracles happen, when my two boys reach certain milestones at their own pace, my heart soars. When I see the joy in the faces of the other parents at the center because of their own children's milestones achieved, all the more joy. It is at this point that I reach my own milestone. There is that one clear, true thing that resonates within my soul-- I know now why I was born--So I can parent my two boys. To be a mother to Garret and Morgan is the greatest gift the Universe has given me. My purpose in this life is a gift from the universe. And the other reason is so that I can help other parents, families, children afflicted with autism. My boys are sent to save me from myself so I can serve a purpose greater than myself. So that I can be bigger than who I am. The universe has given me the greatest gift. And this gift is my salvation.
My two boys make our lives doubly blessed, double the strength, double the resilience, double the joy.
Everyone reaches a breaking point. I did three days ago. I went to the safest place I could find and wept. I asked all the unspeakable questions that you're not supposed to ask. And I allowed myself the mistake of self-blame and self-pity. I just had to let it out. Somehow detoxifying myself from all these negative thoughts. Purifying my soul somewhat. And two of the kindest people I know provided me a sense of comfort. They prayed for me right there and then, even cried with me. I cannot thank them enough. When I was relieved from all that ugly pain, I pulled myself together and with a newer, stronger resolve, I said, "Despite everything, I am still blessed." We are not given crosses we cannot carry, so they say. That is why I know with my two boys, I have been given double the strength, double the resilience, double the love, double the grace and double the joy.
"Having children of any kind is a privilege that not every adult gets to enjoy. It's our duty to those people to appreciate our children fully and never take the experience for granted." -Pete Owens-
No need for explanation, really, for this third insight. Life is really,really good to me. Thank you, life. Thank you, Pete Owens.
Lastly,
One of the great purposes of autism is so that we will never forget our shared humanity.
The Talmud says, the highest form of wisdom is kindness. We are but one in experiencing the complexities of life. We each carry our own burdens, we each have to climb our own mountains. Autism may have been brought to our lives so that we may know how to value people more, be less judgmental, be more accepting of each of our individual eccentricities and plain differences. As we rally on the advocacy of spreading autism awareness, we must not forget the basic premise of our earnest admonition-- kindness. We are pleading people to be kind to our children by having an open mind and open heart, be more accepting of them, be educated enough to help them the right way, and if they choose to be, they can be advocates themselves of our children and other children with special needs. We are but one humanity, regardless of race, nationality, country or continent. We draw strength from each other. We draw wisdom from each other. And that wisdom, of the highest form, is kindness.
This particular day, all I can say is that the Universe certainly knows what it is doing. Autism at the top of the list.
