Today

The skies were majestic as we drove to OSPA-Farmers' Medical Center grounds, the hospital overlooking our city to do an afternoon walk with the boys . I held Garret's hand lightly as we walked the third of our six rounds of walking around the grounds. Morgan just right behind us with his caregiver. As we approached the cemented rectangular steps, Garret dutifully stepped on each one until he stepped on one particular step that lay dislodged from the root of a tree that burst forth from the ground, catching him off-guard. Instinctively I tightened my grip on his hand so he would recover his balance easily. What happened next astonished me. He turned to look at the unstable step and right there I saw in his face an unasked question "What happened right there?" A recognition of the cause of his misstep. After that brief moment, he proceeded to walk on.

It was just a few seconds. A simple turning of the head to look at the cemented step. But it was a milestone achieved.

A few years ago Garret wouldn't even respond to his own name, engrossed in his own little world. And now this-- Paying attention to his environment, being aware of his own actions, recognizing the simple facets of cause and effect. Miracles by the day, I always say. As always I am grateful for these blessings that come wrapped in the most mundane of packages because not only are these extraordinary gifts to my two boys as they discover and appreciate the world in their own way and pace, but also, I learn numerous insights with every milestone they achieve. As if I am also achieving my own personal milestone.

To encounter various missteps is only natural. We are all human after all. But to pause, acknowledge mistakes, the wrong choices we have made and ask the question, "Wait, what happened right there?" , takes a certain amount of grace, humility and courage. To be able to ask this question is necessary. Because only then can we face the skeletons in our closet,  acknowledge the shallowness of our bravado. Only then can we truly face who we are and in the process discover that we can be better than who we already are.

As we finished off the last rounds of our walking, approaching the culprit of a step, I guided my son around it. He followed my cue and walked around it. The last two rounds, however, he chose to still step on it. Of course he almost fell again. And I thought, that's alright, sometimes he has to learn on his own many many times before he can get the lesson right.

So it is with me. As bull-headed and stubborn as I am, I repeat missteps, mistakes, wrong decisions time and again, choosing to wear the cape instead of taking it off and donning on regular person clothes. And that's okay. Because now I am learning. I am choosing grace. I am praying for humility and I am constantly working on my courage to ask the necessary question, "Wait, what happened right there?" I am recognizing and accepting the fact that I am human. Most importantly, that I can be better. Because my boys deserve more than who and what I already am to them right now.

”The world improves when we admit that we are all fundamentally human." - Lisbeth Darsh