And Here Comes Our Morgan

Our baby, whom I have learned to call, our Baby Peking Duck, is getting naughtier and more mischievous by the second. I'll explain why I have begun to call him Baby Peking Duck. Last night, we were reading one of his favorite books entitled, Saffy's Big Adventure. The main character, was, you guessed it, a duck. I begin turning the pages and I say, "Quack, quack!". He, nonchalantly fiddling with his piece of red string mimics almost immediately, "wak-wak!" " Great job, Morgan!" , I exclaim. Then he grins is toothy grin, and his cheeks become robust turning his eyes chinky chinese-y. His cheeks turn bright red, and so rightfully, he is my baby peking duck. And he seems to love it when I call him that.

When he runs, he twists his body in a way that makes him seem like twisting and running at the same time. His favorite food is pancit. And he eats it with his hand, twirls the noodle and puts it in his mouth. He knows exactly what he wants and knows exactly how to get what he wants. When it is nap time, he goes over to the bed of his kuya Garret and jumps on him, hugs him tight and giggles to his heart's delight. Garret, in turn does not mind at all and stays still while Morgan is hugging him. When his papa and I come home from work, he greets me at the door with open arms and gives me a tight embrace. His papa asks him for kiss and his big cheeks are ready for it. His papa made jel-o the other night. And he squished it with his hand, took a bite and wiped it on his cheeks, smiling from ear to ear and running around.

This is our Morgan. Feisty, naughty, funny, cute, adorable, and so full of character. As Garret is serene, Morgan is quite the opposite. But oh, yes, he can be peaceful sometimes...when he is asleep. Watch out when he wakes up. He has this ritual of announcing to the entire world that Morgan has woken up. He cries. Loud. very loud. No different when the doctor pulled him out of my belly.

I remember that particular day. With the CS procedure already in tow, there was no pushing this time. His pediatrician was about to wheel him off to the nursery when I turned my head to see him. She showed me my beautiful baby, all red and fuzzy and crying. Screaming actually is the more accurate term, that his mouth actually formed in the shape of a square. And I was content and happy. While my son was screaming announcing to the entire world that he has arrived, I wept with utter joy. At that very moment, I thought, "Now we are complete. Everything will be better from now on."

Three years had passed since then and my thoughts have never rung so true. Morgan has been the life of the party in our home in his own way. I do not know how to describe it yet I feel he balances out Garret's Autism. He tries to initiate play with his brother. Of course, Garret still prefers to play with his piece of string alone or at someone as opposed to with someone. Out of the blue Morgan hugs his kuya so tightly from behind grinning from ear to ear. And Garret does not pull away. And when the magic moments come, Garret responds. He seems to enjoy it in the way he smiles. I'd like to think that he feels genuinely happy that his brother is giving him a tight embrace. I have yet to witness the two of them hugging face to face but I know the time will come.

At present, while Morgan responds and in fact craves interaction, makes good eye contact, and has more words and verbalization than Garret at his age, he is still delayed in his speech and in some of his other pre-learning skills. A year ago we started his therapy and now he is ready for sped. We still haven't gone to a developmental pediatrician for a final diagnosis though. I think over the years, we've come to accept whatever life hands over to us. After all, there is a purpose to everything. And there is something, someone bigger than all our human capabilities at work in our lives. Still the questions come. Is Morgan also in the Autism spectrum? And if so, what should we do? How should we react? And yes, the most difficult of all... Why?

Two weeks ago, the answer came. "You do know why you were given these two wonderful boys, don't you?", I was asked. I just smiled and said nothing fearing my answer would be presumptuous or simply not the correct one. He continued, "It is so you and Andro could build this wonderful center for all the other kids out there. God works in mysterious ways. And he has a purpose for everything. And this is yours." I smiled even more fighting back tears. It was all I could do to stop myself from breaking down. It was not because of what he said. It was in the timing of it all and in the way he said it. I don't know but I felt like my own father was speaking to me, comforting me like no one ever had before. And it was as if a knot had been untied in my heart. And somehow I felt at peace once more.

Just this morning I was in a way counseling a mother whose child was also special and she was fighting back the tears. I assured her we can help her and that we'll take one step at a time. Thinking about the future overwhelms us and we become helpless. I encouraged her that we take one step, one day at a time. I hope my words comforted her. Now, I reflect on the words I have given to this young mom. And I ask myself, "Can I sustain enough strength for my two boys? I sometimes have barely enough patience for Garret. What will be our future? What will happen? When will things get better? " I am overwhelmed by my own questions.

As much as I am already at peace with everything in my life, as much as I claim to have come to this place of purpose, I think I have yet to come full circle. Every single day is much like a classroom in real life. Each lesson is in the faces of my two beautiful boys. Garret is 6. Morgan is 3. More years of growing up to do. All the more for me. For today, I have to teach myself the words I so easily gave to the young mother this morning--I have to take one step, one day at a time because Garret and Morgan are living theirs moment by moment, one step and one day at a time.

Two hours ago, it was our down time with the boys. Garret playing ball-head-bouncing with his papa. And Morgan? He was licking a lollipop, smearing all the stickiness on his arms, hands, cheeks, tummy and all the pillows on his bed, and yes of course, thoroughly enjoying all of it as seen by his toothy chinesey grin. His papa teases him and pretends to grab the lollipop. He holds on to the lollipop with all his 3-year old body could muster and says an emphatic, "Ay, No!!!" He then hides under his kuya's pillow, sticky lollipop and all. And we all laugh. Morgan resumes his running around again never letting go of his lolly until yaya enters the room and brings him to the bathroom for a bath.

This is our Morgan,our baby peking duck, Garret's "kulit" partner. We are doubly blessed. I still don't know what our future will be like, but I don't think that it matters more than what we could do to live and celebrate the life we have today. And oh, yes, What a beautiful life we have.