15 years ago I remember we were preparing to start our Term Paper in our English subject. And one of the many advices our English teacher told us back then that is still stuck in my head was to use clear, simple language. Flowery words won't mean much to a research paper. Content is key. Concise, direct to the point. The goal was not to have 300 pages of meaningless words, but to have 150 pages full of content. Most of us wanted to impress the our teachers and the panel of critics who will finally decide whether we have fully accomplished our requirements to get that elusive diploma. We thought the more adjectives, the better. The more complicated and difficult-sounding words that get to fill in our pages, even better. I don't remember how I took my English Teacher's advice. I just know I passed the requirement. And I got to march on stage. Of course there was more to it than completing the term paper. But that is another story. This time it is a reflection based on the advice my English Teacher gave me.
"Look. Touch. " Garret is shown a piece of pencil. Then he is asked to look at it and touch it. The pencil is then hidden from his view and he is presented three objects-- a bar of soap, a ball and a pencil(non-identical to the one he was shown earlier. ) "Find.", the teacher says. Garret looks at the three objects pauses for a bit and picks up the pencil. " Great job, Garret!" This is one of many exercises his speech therapist gives him. It uses the concept of matching non-identical objects which develops his intellectual skill of classifying attention and concentration, a very important pre-learning skill. "Look, Touch, Find." Three very simple words. No frills, no adjectives. Clear, simple and direct to the point. And Garret learns easily. Since the learning styles of children with autism heavily rely on visual cues, the verbal cues that are given to them must be simple, uncomplicated, direct to the point, no-nonsense. They are taught the simplest subject-verb agreement such as: " I need help." or "Help me." In Garret's case, pictures or gestures are used. And when he likes to say it out loud, he is able to say, "water" or "cracker". Just recently, he insisted that we go out of the room and was able to say, "Out ta" three times. He was getting a bit frustrated as it took us some time to realize he spoke and we were exclaiming with joy. He on the other hand did not want to be praised, he just wanted to go out of the room. That was one wondrous moment though fleeting for us. There IS no other way for him to communicate except for the simplest language he could utter to us. And for us to communicate with our son, we have to convey whatever we want to say to him in Clear, Simple, non-flowery language.
My English Teacher's advice, I now realize was not only prophetic, as I am doing the best I can to communicate with my son, as I am living it with our family, but also unknowingly, she was teaching me how life really is supposed to be lived-- Clearly and Simply.
I should live my life clearly enough to serve a purpose that goes beyond myself, really look hard on my priorities, truly value what is important to me and decide and stand up to my decision. My purpose in this life is to live for my family-- our sons Garret and Morgan and to love them the best way I know how and love them the way they deserve to be loved. My purpose is clear that I cannot carry this task on my own without my partner. We are a team. And as with all team members who may encounter rough spots on the road, we have our share of challenges overwhelming at times but can be overcome if we just always, always remember what is important to us. Garret's Autism has only strengthened my resolve and faith that indeed, I am living my life with a purpose beyond myself. How clearly and truly blessed I am.
Simplicity. To be simple in word and deed. This was the credo that was taught and ingrained into our fresh minds all those twelve years before college. Simplicity in the way we wore clothes and we carried ourselves. For what use were jewelries and expensive gadgets to the very basic things in learning? After all, in the end, aren't values and how we treat people all that matter? In my life right now, I have learned, sometimes the hard way, that I needed to simplify things. Simplify the way things around the house work so Garret can learn best. So that Garret and Morgan can be happy. So that we all can learn best. Unnecessary stuff get in the way of appreciating the best things in my life. Garret does not care at all whether we buy him expensive toys or branded clothes. He only cares that we understand his needs. He only knows the very important things. He needs me to simplify his life. He needs me to simplify our lives so we can all fully appreciate every single blessing. At the end of the day, if what he wants is just for me to be beside him as he taps the number counting app on his iPad without doing anything, then I will. I don't need to multi-task as I needed to before. Simplify. I should be there for him when he needs me. This goes for Morgan too. When Morgan needs another set of straws-- his favorite toy now, yes, straws, the ones you use for drinking your juice, I should give it to him, no questions asked. This is his joy. Who cares if it's not your usual set of Legos or Tonka cars? His joy is simple, so should my contentment. Simplicity. It is a virtue. One that was taught to me many years ago, but only now that I have begun to realize its importance and value.
Clarity and Simplicity. Clear and Simple Language. As language does not only connote the spoken word but how we act towards each other, how we show our love to our children, how we value our life partner. Yes, our life should be lived in clear and simple language. For is there any other way to live?
One of the things I looked forward to upon finally finishing school was the "no more projects, no more term papers, no more thesis" part. No more facing a panel of judges who demand you defend your research. Finally, no more teachers making my grades. I was going to live my life on my own terms, without looking over my shoulder, finally, I thought. Or so I thought. How wrong I was. Right now, I am making the most challenging, most difficult term paper in my entire life. And the thesis adviser and teachers and panel of judges? Well, they are not as harsh. Let's just put it this way, I am striving every single day to pass the test, and the coverage of the test: Patience, Perseverance, Unconditional Acceptance, Unconditional Unwavering Love. Every single day, I pass and I fail. I fall down on my face, then I get back up. And How do I know I passed the test? It's when my two boys show me the smiles on their faces and give me their biggest and tightest embrace. It's when at the end of the day my partner and I seek the comfort of each others arms and fall fast asleep content and at peace. This is when I know I am living my life clearly and simply. Oh, and would you like to know the title of my term paper this time? Well, It's a working title as the contents of it is constantly a work in progress. Here it is: Living with Autism: Hope, Gratitude, Faith and Love. Feel free to critic the title. :-)
(Thank you Mdm. Pinili for all you have taught me. You truly are one great teacher. Thank you Sacred Heart School for Girls for teaching me the value of Simplicity....And of course, Autism for explicitly showing me the way to live as it ought to be lived and the Universe-- my greatest thanks.)
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