Garret was finishing his therapy as he and his therapist went out of the center to do three rounds of walking with weights tied around his belly. In the activity area, Grade 1 kids were playing around with a ball, kicking and going after it, screaming happily as the ball flew way up into the air and somebody caught it. As Garret and his therapist passed by the activity center, all intents and purposes of walking disappeared as Garret immediately joined in the group running around and laughing as he chased the ball with the other Grade 1 kids. He was the only one in the group not wearing the standard uniform so he was quite easy to spot. There was this one particular boy who especially gave the ball to Garret and told off the others not to grab it from him, saying, "Ayaw sa iloga ha, ipa-kick sa ni Garret." (Let Garret kick the ball first, don't grab the ball from him.)The rest of the kids then cheered him on, "Kick, Garret!" They all followed suit. My little Prince charmingly smiled. taking his time holding the ball with both his hands at chest length, dropped it and kicked it way up high almost at a 90 degree angle. The rest of the students cheered and they chased the ball again running right to left, in almost all directions, Garret, running with them just like any normal 6-year old.
You may be asking why this is such a big deal for me. For most parents, this is normal activity for children, playing around, running around, sweating their shirts off. What comprises the dynamics of a game--playing, is their ability to take turns, wait for their turn, know and understand the rules of that particular game, whether it is "the first one who finishes wins, or the team who scores the highest wins and the lowest loses", and to simply enjoy the company of their play mates, teammates and friends. For children with Autism, most often, this feat is a challenge at best. Social impairment marks their territory-- the inability to put themselves in another person's shoes, thus turn-taking and waiting is a challenge for them. Social cues are foreign to them. It is difficult for them to understand that their playmate feels bad because they grabbed the object without waiting for their turn, or they grabbed their snack without asking for permission. They don't get the cue that in order for their team to win the game, they must act quickly, run quickly, kick the ball as soon as they can to the goal. And one of the most distinct characteristic among children with Autism is their inability to allow others to play with them. This is why we see them playing by themselves in the corner with their piece of string or a set of toys all lined up or stacked up. To begin allowing other people to play beside them is even a challenge for some of these kids. Parallel play.Teachers, therapists and parents have to teach these kids how to play with other kids. Socialization. It may seem almost robotic that we have to teach our children social cues and how to react to them. Everything must be structured to provide some sense into their world. Spontaneity is a rare treat for them and for us parents, especially when it comes to human connection.
So, yes, this is a big deal for me. Garret was anything but robotic when he decided to play with the Grade 1 students' game without hesitation. He ran around with these kids allowing them into his world. He tolerated their presence, not getting annoyed when they bumped into him or shoved him or screamed aloud. When he was bumped, he just laughed and bumped them as well. When he was shoved, he recovered and ran around chasing the ball again. He waited for his turn to kick the ball. And he didn't mind when somebody grabbed the ball from him. In fact, they were the ones who became impatient when Garret just took his time to position the ball properly first before kicking it. And when the ball flew way up, my little prince just beamed with joy. He was sweating. He was exercising his body and social skills. And more than anything else, he was enjoying the moment, the company of the kids around him. He was truly enjoying. He was connecting. Spontaneity, Tolerance and Enjoyment-- a rare treat but on that particular day as Andro and I stood by watching him, we were blessed with another miracle. Once again, Garret showed how he defied the boundaries of Autism. He is stronger than Autism.
In all of Garret's undertakings, milestones achieved and not so good moments, I strive to extract the best of it. I ask myself all the time, "What does this mean to me? How can I learn from this?" Garret has long been teaching me the ropes of life, not the other way around. This time is no different. There is no such thing as mundane when it comes to my two boys, correction, three boys. (wink). My life is more meaningful now as I learn to treat every little achievement as one great miracle, one great gift. So what have I learned from this recent experience? I think it may be this:
In my relationships, it is important for me to realize that everything must start and end with the heart. Sincerity, Spontaneity. The decision to form a relationship must not be forced upon. It must come naturally. And if I find that there is some hesitation on my end or on the entire circumstance that the relationship is built upon, then it is worth looking into it. Everything else that is not synonymous with sincerity is a waste of time. Life is too short to be wasted on superficiality and for reasons like "just for the sake of whatever".
Tolerance. The ability to acknowledge individual differences. The ability to understand social cues and emotions. I must remind myself that every human being is his own person, with his own quirks, priorities, perspectives and choices. To accept them as they are and perhaps to stretch my own frame of mind to understand theirs. And even when the unthinkable happens when personal boundaries and principles are defied, I must realize that in the end, we each are built upon our own choices. And our choices cannot be forced upon.
The Ability to Enjoy and Cherish the Moment as it happens. When was the last time I allowed myself to relax and stare into space for no reason other than to just stare into space? When was the last time I laughed so hard until my insides hurt not thinking that the laughter won't last long and will be replaced with other more serious matters? Even with the challenges of our family, I need to give myself some space and time to relax and truly enjoy and care for my soul. Without it I would dry up, burn out as I often do. I need to learn to let go. I need to learn to enjoy and cherish every happy moment as it happens and nothing else. Life is short. And I have been blessed too much in this life not to graciously receive it with pure gratitude and wonder.
The Grade 1 students Garret played with of course knew him. And maybe they are more accepting of him because they see him everyday. At their young age, they know nothing of peculiarity, weirdness or abnormality. They are spontaneous creatures who accept anybody who enjoys the games they're playing. And somewhere along the line of growing up as we all did, we lose the very essence of which these children know-- spontaneity, acceptance and simple enjoyment. I've learned from my son from his Autism and all. Garret has taught me once again what I have lost. And he is telling me not to lose it again, and never to lose sight of it for this will lead me to my life's purpose, this will lead me and My little prince, my feisty king and my life partner home.
(To the Grade 1 student who so affectionately helped Garret and acted like his big brother, I have yet to know your name, thank you for showing me that my son is worthy to be a friend or a playmate at least. Your parents have taught you well. One of these days, I'm sure Garret will be the one to give back what you have given him in his own way-- pure acceptance and genuine friendship.)
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