Our Boys' Two Cents

After a week of rain, the sky finally decided to clear. Garret goes to our garage gym, sits down and gazes at the sky in front of him.  He then stands up, searches for the sun and turns to me, half-demand, half-plea saying, "Walking." How could I refuse? So off we go our usual route. Further up the road, the sun was resplendent in all its glory. I look at my little prince and the joy on his face is  indescribable.

Everyday I marvel at how simple my boys' happiness is. Whether it's Garret showing me a puzzle piece from his alphabet form board telling me with a smile on his face, "V, M, G" Or him saying, "A-pee," after I agreed to put his music back on, or Morgan turning to me to touch my face and grinning his toothy grin, his way of telling me how delighted he is that we were taking them out for a joy ride. Their requests are simple, their verbal language may be limited but their joys, oh their joys, how they manifest it abundantly.

But more than anything, what I remember is that many years ago, I saw how Garret could be intensely immersed in his own world. I worried immensely about how I could break these walls of autism and connect with my son.  I remember very clearly how I would just keep telling him, "Garret, give Mama a kiss," a request that he first responded to, albeit mechanically at the time, and which I kept repeating just to reassure myself that there was a bridge connecting both of our worlds. 

Now? Now we converse in songs, me singing the first line, him filling in the rest of the stanzas of his nursery rhymes. We go back and forth until the song ends. He says to me, "Anana...A-koo," signifying he wants to eat a banana or an apple. Yesterday when his papa said, "School this afternoon with teacher, Garret," he responded without prompt, "Ow-kay."

Unarguably, now is different. Now, he has come a long way. My heart wells up every time I bask in this realization.

Now I reflect on two important life lessons among countless ones that our boys have unknowingly taught me, their two cents for me today:

1.To remember what is important. What is important is simple.  Our boys' verbal expression may be limited by what autism has given them but they communicate their needs clearly in so many different ways. Their words may be small, but their heart is magnanimous. At the heart of it all, joy, intent, courage, hard work and love are what is important.

2. To focus on the goodness in life. To be mindful of the daily miracles of my life: to be able to wake up to another day, to breathe air that nourishes my body, to be grateful for family and friends that are family, to be aware of the minute milestones Garret and Morgan achieve everyday, to celebrate who and what they are every minute. To be in the present moment always.

This is not to say that I disregard mistakes and unfortunate events. Whatever setbacks I am encountering, let it be a lesson on transformation. Using my weaknesses as opportunities for bettering myself. Mistakes only mean one thing-- that change is possible, and where change is possible, life will always be beautiful.
 

The lights are turned off. It is time for bed. Morgan beside me is already softly snoring. I close my eyes and begin my gratitude prayers. "I am thankful for my boys, their good health, their milestones reached. I am thankful for the conversation I had with a dear friend this afternoon..." And then in the darkness of our room, I hear Andro say, "Good night Garret, I love you." Garret responds almost immediately, a giggle in his throat, " I yuv yoo." My heart soars. This right here is what is important. This right here is goodness manifested in my life.

"What you focus on expands. When you focus on the goodness of your life, you create more of it." - Oprah Winfrey