A Moment of Perfection

I sing, "The wheels on the bus go..."
Garret sings, "wownd and wownd
I sing, "Round and round"
He sings, "all through the town"
"The wipers on the bus..."
"Go wees wees wees"
"Swish swish swish"...
"All through the town..."

In another moment, Morgan cups my face in his hands, stares at me eyes twinkling, grinning, laughing. No words are said. Only embraces that become tighter the more he laughs his heart out. Until he catches his breath from our roughhousing.

This is how Garret and I converse. This is how we connect.  We sing.

This is how Morgan and I talk. This is how we connect. We embrace and play.

And when we do, it doesn't matter that we are repeating age old nursery rhymes and playing with no specific purpose in mind than just to sing and play. It may seem repetitive, boring, nonsensical, childish to others. But for me it is the most beautiful thing in the world. Because in those few precious moments, my little prince and feisty king are in my arms, looking at me intently, happy. And in those moments, we are connecting to each other through our own language. In those moments I know in my heart they know the love I have for them. In those precious, merciful moments, our world is perfect.

Isn't this all we really want in this life? Isn't this all we need in life?  To connect with somebody? With our dearest friends? To know we are not alone in our journeys no matter how different our baggage may be? With our life partner? To go through life with each other as anchors when the turbulent seas of life become rough. To be each others sails and be one others wind at the same time so we may become who we are meant to be. With our children? To know their deepest fears and aspirations, to let them know how we love them so much that they wouldn't even know what to do with the love we have for them?

Converse, discuss, dialogue, talk to each other about everything. Have a good conversation. The simple ones. Even the hard ones. Especially the hard ones. Face each other. Be vulnerable enough to show who you truly are. Be brave enough to see people as they really are. Laugh hard. Weep, if you must. Be angry if you should be. Don't turn in. Open your heart, arms outstretch, palms facing the skies. You may not get hurt with closed palms but  you can't catch all the miracles the Universe has intended for you either.

So go ahead, look to the people around you. Converse. Connect. Sing if you want. Hold a friend's hand if that is what is needed right now. I'm hoping you might have a piece of what I experience with my beautiful boys-- A moment of perfection. Every single day.

To Those Who Can

It was the first time I saw frustration clearly etched on my little one's face. He wanted so bad to tell me something, to just blurt out the right words, but he couldn't. And I couldn't understand or guess what he wanted. Picture this, he gripped both my arms so tight, his eyes looking straight into mine, his lips struggling to form words. And all I could do was tell him, "It's okay, darling, what do you want? Show mama." Of course he couldn't tell me what he wanted. And for reasons I learned only later that night, he could not show me. He cried so hard and screamed that I carried him in my arms and tried to soothe him, singing to him, rocking him, bouncing him on the ball. His body weighed heavily on my arms, but at that moment, I felt like I was carrying an 8.8 pound baby that he was four years ago. It took him almost half an hour to calm down. When he finally did, I let him play with his favorite app on the iPad. He then proceeded to carefully place his 3 rubber sharks and 3 straws on top of it. He looked at his arrangement thoughtfully, and started to cry again. A light bulb went on inside my head. Where were his three other sharks? I quickly looked for it, found it and gave it to him. Then I realized, how could he show me what he wanted when he didn't even know where it was? I didn't even know where it was.

It's at times like this that I would like to throw a huge rock in the form of a very specific question at the universe. "Why does autism take away the most important part of human life? Why the language impairment? Why?..."I don't even want a scientific or a spiritual answer. It's just a question that I would like to pose to the entire world. At the same time, it is an earnest admonition to the rest of the human race who can speak, who can communicate, to the parents who complain how their kids can talk non-stop, to the teenagers who are so engrossed now with the techie world, who can't even look you in the eye when you talk, who can send thousands of text messages a day, but cannot answer a simple question with a straight answer.

It's quite simple, really. All I want to get off my chest is this: Please do not take for granted your gift of speech, your ability to verbally communicate your needs, wants, hopes, dreams and aspirations. You can speak. Take care of this gift. It is a gift, a privilege I believe, that many do not realize the value of. Give value to your ability to communicate. Choose your words carefully. If what you are about to say is not even a fraction better than silence, then keep quiet. But when what you want to say is of the utmost importance, say it. Because your brain is fully functional. Your motor planning well-oiled, well-greased. Because you can. Simply because you can. Appreciate what you have-- the ability to speak, the ability to express yourself clearly. Appreciate it because you must. Because there is no other way to give back to the Universe what you have been given.