"How sweet it is to be loved by you...", the music from the videoke channel sang out or rather played. Of course, we were supposed to sing it. We didn't know the tune of the rest of the song though.
Andro and I just got home after sending off the boys' speech therapist to the Supercat Terminal. His next visit will be next month. We really had a good day. Check that. We had a great day. And if God had a facebook account, his wall would have been filled up with my message of thank you's and a list of all the things I am grateful for. But He doesn't, so my blog-writing will have to do.
My mom told me I better get back to my prayer life as I did when I was in high school so I can sustain my strength and resilience with all that our family and I are going through, Autism and all. By prayer life, I mean spending at least an hour every night talking to Jess. For those who were alumnae of my high school, you would understand who I am talking about. But for the rest of you, I'll explain briefly.
When we reached our senior year, our school, run by nuns, naturally prepared a 3 day retreat for us. And during the retreat we were taught by the retreat masters how a personal relationship with Jesus makes us more in tuned with him, with ourselves-- with how to better ourselves as human beings which in turn will make us better persons. And this starts with calling him a more personal name, no different than what we call our siblings or closest friends by their nicknames rather than their birth names. So, we called Him, Jess. Indeed it was like talking to a very dear friend no matter what time of day. It was like writing on a personal diary and pouring out all that transpired during the day- our emotions, our joys, our bad days, everything.
So now that you understand, let me continue. I answered my mom that maybe I didn't have the routine with Jess that I used to have many years ago, but I still talk to him. Maybe I don't call him Jess anymore. I refer to Him as the universe, the skies, the earth, the wind and the sea. And I speak to him constantly when I write. I do feel I am closer to him when I type these letters and see them come to life on screen. And when I do write, I honestly feel I am giving back what was given to me-- all the blessings that come from the trying times and wonderful experiences in my life. All of us, especially Autism mothers need an outlet by which we can express ourselves, de-stress ourselves, make time for ourselves and ultimately take care of our own souls. I think, no, I am declaring that this is my personal time, my personal de-stressor, my outlet, my sense of relief and my peace-- my communion with the Universe.
And so right now when I feel so much joy at what our two boys have achieved yesterday during our speech therapy, and the progress we are having at home, I badly wish God had an FB account. So I can bombard his wall with songs of gratitude and praise. Many of you may say that surely even without Facebook, God hears my prayers. But we all know why FB clicked with us human beings-- you get an immediate concrete response from the people who are part of this social networking community. So maybe the reason that I want God to have an FB account is so that I can get a concrete reply, an affirmation and a clear validation of what I am pouring out to him right now.
And this is what I would be bombarding his wall with:
1. Thank you God for all the teachers and therapists of our two boys who have given not only their time and knowledge and expertise to us but most importantly their heart and soul, treating our children as if they were their own.
2. Thank you God for all the parents in our center and all the other parents-- friends who understand what we are going through, who make us feel that we are not alone, and give us strength and love.
3. Thank you God for all the challenges we are facing: difficult people, people who hurt us, disrespect us, judge us, they have given us the opportunity for us to build our character, for us to choose to be better than what and who we already are.
4. Thank you God for family. Their grip on our hands keep us steady and firm in our faith in you, in our sometimes faltering hope for a promising future.
5. Thank you God for the people who help us take care of our two boys so we can go on having productive personal lives.
6. Thank you God for my life partner. We are learning everyday. Learning is painful sometimes but the rewards are great and pain is replaced by something that is beyond beautiful.
7. Thank you God for: Garret spontaneously asking me for a piece of Graham Crackers instead of grabbing it himself. He is learning impulse control and asking for help. Morgan paying more and more attention, making more and more eye contact, being more and more aware of his own self and the environment and speaking little by little. For all the little achievements-- how greatly thankful I am.
8. Thank you God for my little prince and my feisty king, Garret and Morgan. They have brought meaning to my life-- to the life you have endowed on me. They have given me purpose. And because of them I am able to give back to life as I should.
9. Thank you God, for Autism, for everything that it has taught us-- understanding beyond human capabilities, acceptance in its purest sense, compassion beyond belief, and above all, Love that knows no bounds.
10. Thank you God for the gift of words. How else can I show my gratitude to you if not for the gift you have given me through each letter, through each written word.
I sat on the sofa watching the videoke channel. Garret sits beside me and I extend my left arm to embrace him. He doesn't complain. He smiles his princely smile. Morgan scoots to my right side. And the music goes on and on, " How sweet it is to be loved by you, by you, by you..." I am content, happy and grateful...just so grateful to be loved by somebody who holds the master plan way up there in the Universe. Yes, God loves me. God loves our boys. God loves our family. And nothing is as sweeter or more amazingly beautiful than this. There is no greater validation, affirmation or concrete response than this.
P.s. God, when you do have a Facebook Account, I'd like to put a music link on your wall. And the song is sung by James Taylor that sings, " I want to stop and thank you baby, How sweet it is to be loved by you."
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