Thursday, November 3, 2011

My Little Prince's Serenade

For the past month or so, Garret has been experimenting on his Baby Piano App on his iPad, recording the first few notes of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star until he finally got it right. And this week, he has learned to play it on his xylophone. This morning as I was playing their nursery rhymes, he was riding on his trike one hand on the handle bar, the other holding the harmonica, blowing some notes not unlike the first few notes of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. As I listen with thoughts scurrying through my head, his music drowns out every noise in my world, every pain in my life, every confusion and chaos in my mind. And now he is singing "London Bridge is Falling Down" over and over again in perfect tune although he has changed the lyrics to suit his preference. But it does not matter, his voice is crisp and clear and it seems to carry him through the day and unknowingly, through his simple music that he is creating, he is assuring me how things will be okay, and to just relax, stand back or sit back, if you prefer, and enjoy this show called life.

I remember back when I was still in high school, as we went home from school in our Ford Fiera in the midst of traffic in the streets of wireless avenue in Mandaue, I used to sing. I am not by any means a good singer. But I remember how I just sang my heart out, whether it was a popular pop song or a new gospel song taught in music class. Back then, it just took me out of the drabness and annoyance of the traffic and the travel time. I felt good and energized. I felt that despite the mountain of homework and studying to do when I got home, it was all going to be okay because I had my music. Oh and when I finally got home, the radio has to be turned on to my favorite music station. And in the late hours of midnight, when I finally finished any last pages of studying, I slept soundly, ready to face another day.

Reflecting on this memory now, I realize how much I have lost this. This music. This need to serenade myself with songs of artists that immortalize notes and falsettos. The attitude not to take life too seriously, the ability to let go, rest and re-energize. In the hustle and bustle, the traffic of real life-- marriage, kids, family, work, I somehow have forgotten what it is to just take it all in and relax. I forget that in order to be able to cope with all that life has thrown at me, I do not need to barge in and confront it immediately all the time. I need first and foremost to gather strength. And to gather strength, I need to step back, lay low and bask myself in a little music and to let go of things I have no control of.

Once again, who better to remind me of what will save me from the chaos and hailstorms of life than my beautiful, beautiful 6-year old of a son? Maybe he is simply telling me, "Stop with all the analyzing, Mama. Stop with all the thinking and worrying. Try a little singing. Or I can sing for you to soothe your aches away." And what do you know, my heart just opens up to this possibility and I am comforted. I am able to step back and breathe and gather strength.

Someone told me once or rather posted on my FB wall , "You are given this life because you are strong enough to live it." I remind myself of this everyday to push myself, to never to give up. And I realize now that the reason why I am strong enough to live it is because sources of strength abound everywhere in my life. I was gifted with resources to build on the strength I need. But more importantly, I was given the ultimate source of strength in the person of my Little Prince Garret and Feisty King Morgan. They show me in numerous ways that I can carry on until the very end. And for today, Garret is serenading me with his angelic voice. It does not matter that he is singing a nursery rhyme. He is telling me that it is ok, it is okay to let go, relax, rest, and never to give up and that with just a little humming and singing everyday can be a better day than the last. And with all the universe has planned out for me and my family, I find myself trusting in my little Prince's serenade the most.

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