This Time A Lesson from Our Feisty King

For a while now Morgan's caregiver has been telling me that he knows how to give a kiss or at least lets himself be kissed already. For those who have not seen our Morgan, let me tell you that he is the exact opposite of Garret. Where Garret is smiling and charming, Morgan has this perpetual skeptical frown on his face and gives you a look that makes you feel as if you've done something wrong. He is just like a little professor slash supervisor. So for many times before, whenever I try to kiss him on the lips, he adamantly refuses, turning away with his cheeks bulging like little cute chubby apples. With my feisty king's personality a kiss on the lips is something to be suspicious about for him, I can imagine.

So we've never really seen him in action as the yayas claimed. Until last night. I nonchalantly asked him for a kiss. "Morgan, kiss Mama." I knelt on the floor to level with his height and puckered my lips. And what do you know? My Chinese peking duck, my "oplok bugoy", my feisty king puckered his lips and kissed me. I hurriedly brought him outside where his papa was and he kissed his papa too! And when he did it his eyes once again went chinesey and he gave us the tightest hug ever afterward. Is there anything more precious, more beautiful than a kiss and the tightest embrace by our feisty king?

A few days ago, we were having a parents' meeting at the Sped Center for the upcoming Angels Walk for Autism. The other moms were in jest talking about our participation when a regular Grade 2 student came in and interrupted us asking for an ice pack because somebody was hurt playing. We always have a storage of ice packs and ice at the sped center. With the bad days our kids sometimes have, tantrums and all, ice packs always come in handy. After having given him the ice pack, he ran towards the clinic. When the student was out of earshot, a mom commented, " I wish our kids could do that." Meaning, ask for help clearly. Especially when somebody is hurt. Or when they themselves are hurt. And we all fell silent knowing all too well the truth in her words. They were speaking out loud our anxieties clear as day. I don't exactly remember what I said in return, but I think it went something like, " True...but our kids have their own strengths as well. We all have our share of blessings and burdens. Because I'm sure these normal kids have problems of their own too." Another mom chimed in, " I agree, and right now, I never realized how grateful I can be for the little things my son can do already. And it's more than enough. "

I have no intention of explaining the scientific explanation of why our kids have difficulty in sensing danger and expressing verbal, clear language. We've all read the literature. Again, something to do with brain development and the number of neurotransmitters on the different areas and such. With all the research, we've all realized that the causes don't really matter in the end. All parents of children with Autism know is that very real fear that when we just allow our attention to wander to something else for even just a second, our kids would run across the street. Or when they are hurt or feel sick, they cannot tell us in clear language where it hurts. They cannot verbally tell us, they need ice to soothe their bruises. As a result, as I have emphatically stated many times before, all parents, moms, dads and the caregivers' senses are on high alert to understand what is going on with our kids. Keeping our sights on them, never allowing ourselves to lax our attention and becoming very perceptive and discerning to their needs. Understanding their language like no other human being can. And again as a result, we have a language of our own as well. We have our own world as well that perhaps separates us from the rest of the "normal" parents out there.

However, with the truth that I just articulated, all Autism Parent's truth-- there is one universal truth that binds us keeping us strong and resolute, reminding us bluntly how still very blessed and loved we are by the heavens-- our kids have breakthroughs. Emotional breakthroughs, cognitive breakthroughs, behavioral breakthroughs, speech breakthroughs. And we live for these moments. These magic moments that make all our fears go away, that tell us with such an overwhelming comfort that everything will be alright. Who really knows why Autism is as it is? Personally, I've come to the point that I've had enough of the questioning. Because no answers will ever be enough. What matters is what we can do for our kids-- the interventions, the therapies, the sped classes, the evaluations, but most importantly, the relentless love and acceptance that we give to them every day, without fail. Relentless, without fail- redundant these words may be , but this is what our children need. REDUNDANT LOVE. Even children who are normal. Without question.

So this morning, as Morgan was about to have his occupational therapy, the therapist shared to me how happy she was that her other patient was able to speak, imitating her saying, "Teacher, I want..." The little girl had a breakthrough!!! I haven't spoken with the mother but I am sure how happy she was. And the OT was elated to say the least. And how happy I am for the mother and the little girl! Another reminder how they are blessed, and how they are going to be alright.

And last night? When Morgan gave us the most beautiful act of love? His first kiss for his papa and me was a breakthrough! Whoever said flat affect, whoever said challenged social skills, little or no language must be out of their wits! Morgan just expressed the most beautiful emotion, the most amazing expression and language of love. How happy I was last night! How happy we were! How happy I am right now. I was reminded by the universe how we truly are blessed and how we are going to be alright.

As with our little Prince Garret teaching me life lessons everyday, it was Morgan's turn last night. He was telling me, telling us, " Stop worrying mom. Stop questioning, just continue loving me and doing what you are already doing, relentlessly loving me...I showed you last night, didn't I? And I will come through...My Kuya and I will come through. We all will come through."

To all the Autism warriors,ninjas, angels, moms, dads, caregivers, teachers, therapists out there, all you need to know and all you need to do is to never give ever give up on your kids because I promise you, breakthroughs come. In small or large packages. And when they do, it will be the most beautiful thing in the entire universe. And you will know that you are blessed and you will be alright...And this will be enough.