The Voice of Autism

A few days ago, my classmate from high school posted a link on my wall or time line rather. Facebook is undergoing so many changes lately, I find myself having a hard time keeping up with the new changes. I'm beginning to be like my kids who detest change and have a hard time welcoming change. But this is an understatement. As much as I understand what children with Autism go through, I know I could never fully grasp what they must be feeling and what they have to do in order to cope with a constantly changing environment.


So anyway, back to the link my classmate posted. It was about Carly Fleischmann, a now 17-year old girl with Autism and how after how many years of no speech at all, she made a breakthrough and learned to communicate by using the computer. And what eloquent words she writes! When people ask her a question, she is able to accurately answer them and clearly articulates her thoughts in writing in a way that you would not have thought possible of a person with autism. She expresses how she felt she was a normal person trapped in this body which she has no control of. She knew what was right and wrong but her brain couldn't seem to cooperate. So in one of her writings to her dad, she writes, " You've never been in my body. I wish for one day you could be in my body."


What Carly wanted to tell her dad struck a nerve. It strikes a nerve, I think for all parents of children with autism. As much as we go through the journeys and challenges of our children everyday, ultimately, just like us when we have to face our problems alone, they too face their monsters alone-- the sensory overload, all that chaos in their surroundings that they have to take in, all that the normal world has to offer that we normal human beings live in everyday, but for them is simply just one strange, confusing place. As much as we understand our kids, we have no exact idea what they are going through. So how do we deal with this truth? All I can say is that we just do what we can to the best of what we can. We do things head on with the belief and faith that what we do comes from a place of resonating, redundant love. And we stick to the belief that everything that is done out of love can never be wrong. This is how we deal with it.


Just for one day what would we not give to be in our children's shoes? So we can ease their pain. I remember when I got sick, my mom would tell me, "ihatag ni mommy imung yayay be." (Give to mommy your fever.) And back then I couldn't understand what she meant. Now having two children of my own, how I understand what she meant. If only we can carry our kids' ailments and pain when they are sick so they won't have to go through all the aching muscles and tired senses...If only we can have our children's autism even for one day. So we can better understand them, better know them, better love them. What would an autism mom or dad ever not give to ease their child's struggle?


For the bigger picture, I think this question resonates to all parents out there. What in the world would you not give to provide your children a better life, more joy, more love? Nothing. I am most certain you would give everything for the sake of your children.


Going beyond what I have realized, much more than the truth of how we parents will do anything and everything for our children, I think what Carly is actually saying expressing how her dad was never in her body and how she wishes for one day, he would be in her place, is that ability to put oneself in another person's shoes. Be her for one moment. Empathy. Theory of Mind, if you will. And again, this does not ring true only to parents and children going through Autism. This applies to each and human being, come to think of it. We are able to live with each other in harmony because we bear in mind the golden rule. We are able to put ourselves in another person's shoes. We can stretch our understanding of other people and not judge them by the mistakes they have made, by their past, by what they seem to be. We are able to will our brains to cooperate with what we decide. We are able to put ourselves in another person's shoes. We all have the innate ability to do this because our brains can cooperate. In other words, we have a choice. We have willpower. The question now is how often do we use that willpower? How often are we conscious of that gift of choice? No matter how much we are hurt, again, a very basic human emotion and decision allows us to look beyond the walls, to look beyond the pain, to look beyond the sin and error. To take the road less traveled and choose to be in another person's shoes for one day. Just as our ability to sacrifice, to unconditionally accept our children comes from a deep deep place of love, maybe how we act towards our fellow human being is also propelled by this very same emotion, this very same virtue to a different degree or form, but still love, nonetheless. And I think the greatest test of a person's empathy, whether he is able to walk in his neighbor's moccasins is his capacity to forgive. To forgive a friend or family turned foe for whatever circumstances. To be able to transform them back from being adversaries to comrades perhaps is the greatest example of empathy. If you are able to put yourself in their shoes and imagine and will yourself to be in their place for just a moment no matter how hurt you have been, then maybe, healing can begin. Then maybe you can be on your way to a higher form of acceptance, inner peace and harmony within yourself and with the rest of humanity. Then maybe, the question that you have asked yourself, "How do you even begin to forgive?" will be answered.


Maybe, this is one of the resolute lessons Autism is trying to teach us among many once again? Empathy which can only compel forgiveness.


I am slowly beginning to understand this mystery of Autism. It may not be a mystery at all. I don't know but I seem to realize how the irony of Autism, its giving our kids an inability to be in another person's shoes with their challenged social skills and all, is teaching the rest of humanity how we must act towards each other, to will ourselves to walk in our neighbor's moccasins, to be in their place for just one day. Because we are able to feel. We are able to cognitively will ourselves to empathize. Because we are given the gift of choice. So again, in the end, after every self-reflection and self-questioning, in the end, I am still grateful. I am simply grateful. There is indeed a reason and purpose for everything. Including and most especially Autism.


"I think the only thing I can say is to never give up. Your inner voice will find its way out. Mine did." , Carly wrote.


Thank you Carly for your courage, your resilience, your strength. Thank you Carly's parents for never ever giving up. You teach us to be resolute in our resolve as well.


Thank you Autism. Because of you I have found my inner voice. Soon my kids will too.


Thank you, Universe.