Destination: Journey

As the year drew to a close, we were on one of our routine afternoon joy rides with our boys. Not really having anywhere specific in mind to go to, just driving around so Garret and Morgan could break out of their boredom at home. For all autism moms and dads out there, we all know and live the reality how school breaks and holidays are the last thing we need, the last thing our kids need. Any break from their schedules and routines could literally spell disaster. And we were no different. Never mind that the yayas were also on their "break" mode, but how the flu broke down our immune systems topped it all off. First the boys, then me and Andro. So all in all we had quite an unusual Christmas break. Somehow we were forced to really rest. Literally. And focus on what is important-- our health, our boys, each other.


With any predicament, there are lessons to be learned and insights to be uncovered, no matter how mundane, unusual, ordinary or otherwise. I remember years back during my childhood where we used to go to Carcar on the weekends, my mom's hometown. We'd drive the whole 1 hour drive from Mandaue to the south with my aunts and cousins. On the way there, if we were lucky, we would spend the whole time bickering, singing or just yapping our hearts out. If we're not too lucky and mom and the other aunts decide, we'll be finishing off the 3 mysteries of the Rosary. So, no fun time for us cousins. After an hour, we'd finally arrive at our destination, and a full Saturday would occur starting with visits to the cemetery at our grandparent's grave, eating calderetang kanding, chicharon and other local delicacies, and playing hide and seek at our lola's 2nd floor room with the rickety stairs.


We'd go back home to Mandaue, exhausted, tired and happy. At that time, I thought it was the place we went to that mattered. But over the years I knew, more than anything, it was the company of family and the memories we created and the singing and the praying the rosary all throughout those drives to Carcar, the beach or to wherever. As cliche as it may sound, it's true what we all say, it's the journey that matters.


As Andro is driving, our boys are silently taking all the scenery in. The two of them sitting side by side on the left passenger's seat, peering out the window. The rice fields, cornfields, sugar cane plantation, the rain pattering on the window, or the magnificent sunset over Barangay San Pablo. Morgan clutching his favorite Monay, and Garret munching on his favorite biscuit. Our route is simple, drive to Albuera and make a turn at their market where the sea on our left side is glistening mightily under the setting sun...Beautiful. And then we go back home. Or, we drive all the way to Merida and then back. Or we go through the Ormoc Airport road and by chance we sometimes catch a student pilot flying a small plane. And then we go back home. The boys are content. They are simply happy. No more restlessness or tantrumming when we arrive home.


We have no specific destination when we go on our joy rides. But we do have one clear purpose-- so Garret and Morgan can have a break, a respite, a momentary relief from the mundane world. And with this break, they enter into their happy place. And that is enough for us. Day by day. Unknowingly, I am also able to take a break from everyday worries or concerns about what the future holds for us. I am able to shut off any noise from my mind and heart and just simply be. Andro and I don't necessarily talk all the way through, just when something comes to mind. Otherwise, we have our own silent peaceful space. And I think this is enough for both of us too.


Again, the unconventionality of our lives with Autism and all its quirks and sensibilities have taught me a very simple truth-- I am given this life to fully embrace, relish and value every drop of dew of living. It's not about the places Andro and I will go or travel to. It's about how we nurture each other, love with all that we've got, empty our cups so we may fill each other again. It's about appreciating each other. It's about remembering what is important beyond the best of us and beyond the worst. It's about making new memories every single day. It's not about whether our boys can be scientists or artists or musicians or physicians. It's about loving them for who and what they are, for appreciating the joy they have brought they have brought to our mundane lives. It's about realizing the wonder how blessed we are to have each other, all four of us together, safe and sound in each others' arms. It is simply about living our lives day by single day appreciating every breath of life we take in. And yes, it's about those moments of respite, breaks from reality that take us to our happy place when our heads are too pressed tightly, when our hearts are too exhausted to beat any further. It's about the silence during our joy rides, the quiet joy of our two boys, the peaceful space. It's all about learning to breathe and learning to appreciate life in every breath.


This is our journey. It may not be like all those other families where summer breaks and holiday trips are a common occurrence, where when they go for rides, the destination spell out their purpose. Ours is different. Our destination is our journey. Garret's journey, Morgan's journey. My partner's journey. My journey. And a million times over, I wouldn't have it any other way.