My Own Version of Rest and Relaxation

Another summer has come and gone and I have yet to have that taste of sand, salt water and sea breeze on my tired, tired senses. If I am right, it's been about 5 years since I've been to the beach. And I do mean white sand and clear blue water and miles away from home, a break from the daily grind. I've been having these self-defeating thoughts how I badly need this kind of vacation for me to function well again. I say self-defeating because I realize how I am reinforcing the misconceived notion that in order to be happy , or to be rejuvenated, I have to be physically and literally in the place I want to be.That I have to literally get away from the daily routine and challenges that face me everyday to a achieve a sense of well-being. Misconceived, yes because happiness, has always been a state of mind-- an attitude, a mental disposition, a choice-- a conscious choice. A former student just recently wrote about how happiness should not be in the hands of other people, and in my case, in specific places. A wise one she is of a 20-year old. Was I that full of wisdom at her age?, I wonder. What a great thing for her. And I hope she never loses that.

So this afternoon, after a while of driving around with the boys, Garret was back at our koi pond splishing and splashing away. The koi in turn, having gotten used to Garret's disturbing their peaceful lives every afternoon, swim and swam this way and that, gathering around the leaves Garret throws in the pond. I, in turn held the garden water hose directed it at my son's head and back, watching the trickles of water down his hair, listening to his delighted squeals and hums and murmurs, listening to the sound of the water as he kicks it this way and that, coupled with the constant bubbling of the oxygen gadget in the pond. As usual, as I am amidst all this, my mind wanders to other things-- work, the sped and speech classes of the boys on Monday, etc. Then suddenly, I stop myself. I do not need to think about all that for now. Even for just 15 to 30 minutes. What if I just close my mind off those wanderings and imagine instead that the water sounds I hear from my son and the pond are the waves of the beach that I so long for, lapping on the shore of an island I have yet to go to? What if I picture myself relaxing on a lounge chair and feeling the sea breeze on my senses? And I did. I simply did. It was remarkably calming, soothing and relaxing. I looked at my son's face, and his was a picture of pure content, pure joy, pure peace. "Give me a kiss, Garret", I requested of him. My ever kind son complied and puffed his right cheek just for me to kiss. And I continued to shower him with the water from the garden hose until it was time to go inside in time for dinner.

Happiness, peace of mind, a sense of well-being, restfulness, all these are a state of mind. It's a matter of choice. Conscious choice. All the while my son has been teaching me to stay still, yet I still had no idea what that meant. It is not just being physically staying put, immobile. It is deciding to stay put in the mind. Cease all wanderings. Cease all worries and anxieties. Breathe in, breathe out. Inhale, exhale. Think happy, calm thoughts. Close your eyes, if you must. Be in tune with the wind, the water, the sky, the earth. Be in tune with the universe. Let go. Even for just 15-30 minutes. Even for 5 minutes. This I can do. This I have done. Now I know what my son has been trying to teach me. The challenge is to now practice it. Everyday if I must. As long as I need it for the nourishment of my soul, my well-being. Not just for my boys, my family, but equally important, for me, as well.

Be Still, My Son Says

"Once I saw a little bird go hop, hop, hop, and I said little bird, will you stop, stop stop?", the nursery song sings on. It is lunchtime for Garret and he couldn't stop hopping in time with the beat. It does not just stop with the hopping, his right hand beats this way and that in the air "conductor-like". This goes on from track 1 of the CD until track 17. By the time we reached track 17, he scoops the last serving of his favorite bacon and rice.

I know what's going on in some of the readers' mind right now, "Isn't it lunch time? So why is he hopping? Aren't you supposed to teach him how to stay still and sit down until he finishes the entire course of his meal?" I've asked these questions too myself. I feel guilty, sure. But then, every time I see my son's utter joy and fascination plastered across his face, listening to his nursery songs, being in his joy bubble, I just cannot afford to burst it. Would you? Or maybe it's just me because I'm his mom. Moms, as you know are bound to give in. We are the saboteurs of our own discipline or for what is supposed to be for that matter. And I say this with a grin on my face. It's not that I don't take establishing rules and discipline seriously,it's because these are the times, I realize, that utter appreciation of the finer and perhaps best things in life overthrows the norms of letting him sit down during the entire meal. It is during these times that I just sit back and watch my son be in his happy place. It is during these times that I am strongly reminded how the joy plastered on my son's face reflects the joy I have bubbling inside me as well. And I am fiercely reminded that I am truly blessed and everything is going to be all right.

Music seems to be Garret's thing. He loves it. Correction, he absolutely loves hearing music. And not just nursery rhymes. His favorite is the Black Eyed Peas. Honest. He does. He dances to "Bebot" and Fergie's "Clumsy". Oh, he's recent favorite-- Walk off the Earth's rendition of "Someone that I Used to Know" and "Magic". Remember the intro part of the former resembles the tune of twinkle, twinkle little star. And he imitates the snare drums of the intro notes of "magic". And when he turns on our keyboard, he plunks the keys of twinkle twinkle little star. This is my son's joy. Music, rhythm, beat, melody. It gives him a certain, indescribable sense of peace and calmness. This is Garret's peace. When I see my little prince transform into this creature of pure energy, joy and calmness, I too am energized, happy and peaceful. When I say I too am energized, I sometimes join him in dancing or hopping or whatever movement he makes, much to his dismay and embarrassment. I say this because whenever I do dance, he covers his ears and whines and literally pushes me to sit back down. And we all laugh our hearts out. He does not want to see me dance. An honest kid, my Garret is. Loud and clear he is saying to me through his urgent gestures, " Mama, this is my moment. Just watch me. Besides, you're not really much of a dancer." So I relent smiling and sitting back down and watch my little prince do his thing. It is beautiful to watch. It is a wondrous thing to behold. It is peaceful, calming, energizing, food for my soul. During these times, Garret is teaching me just to sit down. And watch. And be silent. And be still. And just enjoy the moment. And hear the voice of the Universe telling me, " Be still and watch life unfold through your son."

Of course, I do understand how Garret should already learn to settle down and remain settled while eating. So maybe next time, I won't play his nursery rhymes CD. Or maybe I will. Because maybe, correction, most certainly, my son is not the one who needs to learn how to be still.