Another summer has come and gone and I have yet to have that taste of sand, salt water and sea breeze on my tired, tired senses. If I am right, it's been about 5 years since I've been to the beach. And I do mean white sand and clear blue water and miles away from home, a break from the daily grind. I've been having these self-defeating thoughts how I badly need this kind of vacation for me to function well again. I say self-defeating because I realize how I am reinforcing the misconceived notion that in order to be happy , or to be rejuvenated, I have to be physically and literally in the place I want to be.That I have to literally get away from the daily routine and challenges that face me everyday to a achieve a sense of well-being. Misconceived, yes because happiness, has always been a state of mind-- an attitude, a mental disposition, a choice-- a conscious choice. A former student just recently wrote about how happiness should not be in the hands of other people, and in my case, in specific places. A wise one she is of a 20-year old. Was I that full of wisdom at her age?, I wonder. What a great thing for her. And I hope she never loses that.
So this afternoon, after a while of driving around with the boys, Garret was back at our koi pond splishing and splashing away. The koi in turn, having gotten used to Garret's disturbing their peaceful lives every afternoon, swim and swam this way and that, gathering around the leaves Garret throws in the pond. I, in turn held the garden water hose directed it at my son's head and back, watching the trickles of water down his hair, listening to his delighted squeals and hums and murmurs, listening to the sound of the water as he kicks it this way and that, coupled with the constant bubbling of the oxygen gadget in the pond. As usual, as I am amidst all this, my mind wanders to other things-- work, the sped and speech classes of the boys on Monday, etc. Then suddenly, I stop myself. I do not need to think about all that for now. Even for just 15 to 30 minutes. What if I just close my mind off those wanderings and imagine instead that the water sounds I hear from my son and the pond are the waves of the beach that I so long for, lapping on the shore of an island I have yet to go to? What if I picture myself relaxing on a lounge chair and feeling the sea breeze on my senses? And I did. I simply did. It was remarkably calming, soothing and relaxing. I looked at my son's face, and his was a picture of pure content, pure joy, pure peace. "Give me a kiss, Garret", I requested of him. My ever kind son complied and puffed his right cheek just for me to kiss. And I continued to shower him with the water from the garden hose until it was time to go inside in time for dinner.
Happiness, peace of mind, a sense of well-being, restfulness, all these are a state of mind. It's a matter of choice. Conscious choice. All the while my son has been teaching me to stay still, yet I still had no idea what that meant. It is not just being physically staying put, immobile. It is deciding to stay put in the mind. Cease all wanderings. Cease all worries and anxieties. Breathe in, breathe out. Inhale, exhale. Think happy, calm thoughts. Close your eyes, if you must. Be in tune with the wind, the water, the sky, the earth. Be in tune with the universe. Let go. Even for just 15-30 minutes. Even for 5 minutes. This I can do. This I have done. Now I know what my son has been trying to teach me. The challenge is to now practice it. Everyday if I must. As long as I need it for the nourishment of my soul, my well-being. Not just for my boys, my family, but equally important, for me, as well.
No comments:
Post a Comment