Of Hearts, Stars and Independence

Recent events have opened an avenue of opportune moments for us in our family. Most especially for our Little Prince and Feisty King. It has forced us to face several facts, head-on, unblinking. For one, Our boys need to learn how to be independent as soon as possible. Two, because the hope of ever finding reliable help (yaya) seems to dwindle by the passing days. And three, in the end, after all, what and who the boys will have after all the "help" has come and gone, is our presence, our love, our unconditional acceptance for who and what they are, and in the end, the only thing constant in their lives is their mama and papa.

In my previous post, I noted how I was postponing teaching Garret to really sit down while finishing his meal. Well, guess what? I finally did it. Correction, Garret finally did it, with a little guidance, urging and prodding. Now, whenever it is time for meals, he motions me to prepare their mickey mouse table set so he can already eat. As I watch him scoop his food with the spoon and fork, brow furrowed in concentration, careful not to let any morsel of rice and pork chop fall off, I cannot help but be proud of him. I have to stop myself from kissing his cheeks which would otherwise interrupt his process of scooping and eating. Oh I am a hopeless mother who delights in every little thing my son achieves. :-) (in the vernacular, "perteng mabawag kalipay.") But I don't care. That's just where my joy lies.

Morgan, on the other hand, "sipat" (naughty) that he is, has consistently been showing how a little grown-up he has become as he removes his crocs and places them on the shoe rack, all on his own. This is a milestone for him. Oh, and during his speech class, he articulated, "yeeee" as his teacher indicated the color yellow, and "geeee" for the color green. When we look at his favorite app on the iPad, when he sees the photo of a turtle, and I say, "turtle", he says, "ttt-h". His pointing has been more pronounced lately too. His joint attention has been clearly observed as well. Whenever his teacher asks him to "get red triangle." He looks at the flashcard first, then at the teacher, seemingly waits for the teacher's confirmation and then gets the red triangle.

A little tidbit about Joint Attention in Autism: Joint Attention is a prerequisite skill in developing social cognition and language-- the ability to perceive and understand what others are thinking and to therefore to be able to engage in social interaction and communication. Clinical research indicates that autism is characterized by chronic, pronounced impairments in initiating joint attention. In other words, autistics show a lack of spontaneous sharing experiences with others. Mundy also points out that individual differences in joint attention are related to the intensity of social symptoms, responsiveness to interventions, and long-term social outcomes in children with autism.(http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/09/070926111521.htm)

I realize that while I am getting a little scientific here, and may be boring the reader, this is an effort on my part in explaining why my son's particular achievement means so much to us. So I do hope you all bear with me.

But back to where I was going with this post. My two boys have been accomplishing these remarkable milestones. Little they are not. They cannot be quantified as such because whatever they have achieved and will keep on achieving are equivalent to enormous medals for us. Again, I am a hopelessly proud mother of my boys. And they are my joy.

I read in one of the wall posts of a public figure here on Facebook:

"Here is something I have learned about achievements...the joy lies in the person you are and that you have become in trying to achieve them."

While losing the "help" may have created this opportunity for us to really push Garret to be independent, feed and dress himself among other things, while this may have allowed Morgan to be more self-reliant in his own way, in and by itself, this is an achievement for both of them and for them. As of the moment, while they still cannot verbalize what joy they have in their own accomplishments, I can, as a mother, as their hopelessly proud mother. This is what I would like to articulate-- I would like to think that I have come to rediscover how I am content with simplicity and all the blessings and challenges I have been given. I would like to think that I have become a more grateful person, more grounded to the earth, more thankful to the universe. I truly, truly have found my joy-- not just in my boys but in who I have and have chosen to become because of them.

I entitled this post as "Of Hearts, Stars and Independence", indicating the words my dear Garret has consistently uttered in the past few weeks and the independence that we are trying to inculcate in both him and Morgan with clearly positive results, really. But then, it's just not really about what my boys have achieved or what situations drove us to reach these milestones, more than anything else, I am realizing that this is also about my rediscovering who I am and what I have become from the situations that have been given to me. And as much as I am a mother to Garret and Morgan, if there is anything I've learned for the past 8 years of my life, it is that who I am as a woman, as a person is equally important to my role as a mother, among other equally important roles as well. To be a strong, brave and resilient mother, I first have to be a woman of strength, courage and fortitude. This is why I should never ever stop learning, discovering and searching for enlightenment, enhancement in whatever aspect in my life. Whether it is from the most mundane of things in what my boys do or from a search for educational and personal advancement, what is important is the person I have become in each of my achievements. Therein lies my joy.

So I was thinking of another title to this post, but then I realize, there could be no title more fitting than this. As Isabel Allende emphatically cited in one of her insights from bearing one of the Olympic Flags in Italy many years ago, "While skill and luck are what comprises winning, it is the heart, the passion that wins the gold medal." The heart I have inside me as I mother my boys and to be the woman I ought to be is what will enrich my life. For this, I thank the stars, the heavens, the universe, God for everything that has happened. With the passion I have in my heart, with utter gratefulness to life itself, I know my boys will, in time, be able to proclaim to the joy in what they have achieved and be independent men, capable of facing whatever life has to confront them with head on as well.

A short post script to this post... I am so happy and proud to announce how two of our kids at the center, Marc and E.G. will soon be mainstreamed, integrated in the regular Kinder class this month, in addition to Gabby who was already mainstreamed last December. Thanks to the passion and dedication of our Sped Teachers, Teacher Pol, Teacher Loize and most especially to the unwavering strength of heart of their parents. :-) To the parents of Gabby, Marc and E.G. , what your kids have achieved are amazing. Your kids are amazing. But you, parents are BEYOND amazing. To all parents at the center and all the Special Parents out there, I urge you never to lose heart, never to lose hope and to always be grateful to the heavens.